Thursday, October 28, 2004

On Sour Milk

The Young Thruster knows the importance of a shelflife.

Chavs, it would appear, are all the rage in Britain. Although Chavscum and other sites have been providing a platfrom for all things Chav for the best part of two years, the tabloids have now decided to join the already crowded Chav bandwagon.

Shortly after Chav was named Word of 2004 (by none other than Countdown's Susie Dent), 3 unveiled the Chavvy new star of their next ad campaign. The Sun, meanwhile, began running regular features on the rise of the Chav, my favourite being this picture of the Chavrador.

The Young Thruster declares that the Chav has now jumped the shark.

If Chavs were a pint of semi-skimmed milk, they would by know be 'on the turn', and with the flick of a wrist, tipped down the sink.
The Young Thruster knows the importance of a shelflife.





Thursday, October 07, 2004

On Dignity and Ridiculousness (II)

The Young Thruster is acutely aware of the inherent ridiculousness of life.

At the start of the week, I wrote that The Young Thruster maintains his dignity during all dealings with pigs.

On this basis, Rebecca Loos is not a Young Thruster, although it seems the pig is:

"Afterwards she told fellow celebs how the boar was "'thrusting really hard'."

The Young Thruster maintains his dignity during all attempts at animal husbandry.

On Resourcefulness and Innovation

The Young Thruster is able to set aside partisan concerns and applaud genuine political innovation

The fascinating website Is Bush Wired? (link via Ultimate Insult) is dedicated to the notion that President Bush wears an earpiece during set-piece public speaking events. The theory suggests that close advisers prompt him over a local FM signal.

I suppose this would explain the pauses and the hastily-abandoned sentences. Mind you, I often drop ideas mid-thought, and I've never knowingly worn an earpiece. Still, viewers of the D-Day coverage, and some viewers of the post-9/11 address were apparently able to hear parts of his audio feed. There's more on the theory here.

The Young Thruster admires such audacity.

The Young Thruster recognises that an earpiece is only slightly less sexy than a codpiece.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

On Dignity and Ridiculousness

The Young Thruster is acutely aware of the inherent ridiculousness of life.

In the 1950s, as road traffic levels soared, so too did the number of driver injuries and fatalities. After unsuccessfully attempting to test vehicle-safety using human volunteers, and even corpses, researchers eventually turned their attentions to animals.

Because of their anatomical similarities to humans, pigs were the most common animal to be used in such tests. One porcine-based experiment was Project Barbecue, so named because of the eventual fate of its test subjects. Project Barbecue used as its test subject a live, fully anaesthetised pig, which was suspended in an under-arm harness, and swung at speed into a fixed steering-wheel to demonstrate the damage such an impact could cause.

Had a Young Thruster been involved with Project Barbecue, he would have vetoed the scheme on account of its obvious lunacy. At some point during the capture of the pig, the drugging of the pig and the subsequent hoisting of the seated pig, the Young Thruster would have called a halt to proceedings on the grounds of utter ridiculousness.

The Young Thruster maintains his dignity during all dealings with pigs.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Nascent

And with that, the Young Thruster emerged, blinking into the sunlight.